The Magic About Pain: How Facing Your Pain Can Transform Your Life
This week, I would like to share with you an excerpt from a chapter of my book “The Magic About Pain: How Facing Your Pain Can Transform Your Life.” Join the journey of Anna, who had a painful experience in her life, and see how she could turn it into new perspectives.
Anna’s painful experience
When Anna called me for her first coaching session, she had no perspective. She was stuck and trapped in her neck and back pain. It was a dead-end street for her. She complained and said, “I have no hope anymore. I’m desperate, and nobody can help me.” “Well, you can help yourself out,” I said. The next time she consulted me, she opened her heart to let me see more into her and her life. She was not talking only about the pain and where it hurt. She needed to get rid of it as soon as possible so that she could go back to her daily life. […]
“My pain is getting worse every day. Almost every night, I wake up and can’t find a pain-free position. I don’t know how to sit at my desk in the office or in team meetings. The coaching sessions with my clients are not exciting anymore. Playing with my children is a disaster, and my sexual life with my husband is also affected. I’m not myself anymore. I can’t participate in my daily life activities as I’m used to doing.” I was very moved when she opened her heart, and I knew how she was feeling. I invited her to dive deeper into the aspects of her wheel of life, which we scored in her first session.
You have to face your emotions to find new perspectives
Many of my clients try to escape when it comes to the point of feeling emotions or moving into uncomfortable issues. Anna broke down in tears. “I’m afraid. My marriage is a tragedy. My husband was complaining about our sex life for a long time and put me under so much pressure. After our children were born, the relationship between my husband and me changed. It is not like it was. He cheated on me. I’m deeply hurt, and I feel numb and speechless. I feel like I want to forgive him, but it’s difficult to build trust again. I don’t know why he is doing this to me. Am I’m not good enough for him? I don’t get any quiet moments anymore. Every day, my mind is spinning around what is he doing. Will he meet another woman? I have not told anybody what is going on in our marriage. I kept it as a secret until now.”
When she shared it in our session, the secret was unlocked, the silence was broken, and the energy of her pain was unleashed. Anna was relieved to share what had been cooking in her mind for so long. She was giving herself permission to share her feelings. Her mind and her self-talk were avoiding the pain. When she listened to herself, her inner voice said, “Don’t pay too much attention to this problem. With time, the wound will heal. Just move on in life and get over it. Your kids need you, and you need to be focused at work. Do not think too much about it. Even though it hurts, focus on the important things in life. It is not worth it, and the pain and disappointment will disappear in time. But I love my husband, and I thought he was the love of my life. How could this happen?”
The inner voices
These inner voices are so familiar, and I notice this phenomenon with so many clients. The inner critic is controlling, self-sabotaging, and judging. It says, “Don’t do this. Do that.” It tries to keep us away from healing and pushes us to bypass the pain. Often these voices are minimizing things that had a big impact on us and our lives. […]
Try to identify your nurturing inner parent voice and your critical inner parent voice. We can use certain phrases to train our inner nurturing parent voice. It helps you be mindful about your thoughts. Good inner parent messages are helpful for becoming more mindful with your emotional body. Use them as secret weapon in your pocket. Becoming more mindful and emotionally intelligent is taking responsibility for your emotional life, and it helps us learn to parent ourselves. We become emotionally free, authentic, autonomous, and compassionate toward ourselves and others. […]
Anna’s pain was the door to listening to her body and the messages of her voices. The voice was the pain held back in her body. The issue in Anna’s marriage lived in her tissues, and her neck and back pain were expressing the screams of her soul. She opened the door courageously and listened to them—and her beautiful side and strength came out.
Try to go deeper and find new perspectives
What you just read was just a superficial part of Anna’s pain. If you’re interested to get to know more about her story, learn deeper about the chance of new perspectives, you can order my book or contact me at any time.
A lot of my clients have lost their feelings and the connections to their bodies’ wisdom, and the pain is one channel for them to reconnect with their bodies, minds, and souls. What seems painful, can be a beginning of something new!
“We all have our individual victim stories going on in our lives next to our overcoming stories and great stories. We can learn to identify the different voices in these stories and we can become aware of them, own them, and change them. This happens when we realize what it is going on and why it is happening in our lives.”
If you need help with exploring your new perspectives, feel free to contact me! In addition to naturopathy, yoga & meditation and functional nutrition counseling, I also offer various coaching programs. I can help you to find more balance in your life for the sake of more health and well-being.