What Does Mother’s Day Have to Do with Menopause, the Childfree Journey, and Healing the Mother Wound?

Mother’s Day is just around the corner, and I know that for many women, it’s not always a day of celebration and appreciation. For those navigating perimenopause or newly postmenopausal, this day can bring up a flood of memories, stories, thoughts, and emotions. It’s a time to honor mothers and celebrate motherhood, but for some, it can bring up feelings of loss, grief, and unresolved emotions. Whether it's the grief of not having had children, the complexities of relationships with mothers, or the emotional changes that menopause brings, this time of year can stir up deep emotions.

During the menopausal transition, so much changes—both physically and within our inner world—that we naturally become more vulnerable. This period can stir up unresolved issues, unprocessed thoughts, and stories that linger in our minds and hearts. You might catch yourself wondering, “Why are these old issues resurfacing in my life?” Often, it’s because they haven’t been fully resolved or integrated. These topics can keep us awake at night, restless and unsettled. For many women, this phase of life brings to light old patterns, unresolved grief, and relationships—especially the relationship with our own mothers—that need healing.

Two themes that often arise during this time—especially around Mother’s Day—are:

• Being childfree/childless (whether by choice or not)

• The mother wound

These two topics frequently come up for many women on Mother’s Day. And yet, we don’t often speak about them openly. In both the society I live in now (the USA) and the one I was born into (Germany), motherhood is highly glorified. Mother’s Day is often seen through a one-dimensional lens—as a day to celebrate and express appreciation for mothers, which is beautiful and important. Yet, there should also be space for women who associate Mother’s Day with more complex, sometimes difficult feelings. We should talk openly about the multifaceted reality of motherhood, honoring both its joys and its challenges.

Mother’s Day can amplify these emotions, reminding us of what we’ve lost, what we longed for, and what we’re still in the process of healing. It’s as if the changing season outside mirrors the inner transformation we are going through.

Navigating Disenfranchised Grief

Disenfranchised grief refers to loss or sorrow that society does not recognize, validate, or openly mourn. For women in menopausal transition who are childless or childfree, Mother’s Day can amplify this sense of being overlooked. It’s a grief that doesn’t fit into societal narratives, leaving women feeling unseen and misunderstood. This kind of grief can be isolating because it’s not often acknowledged publicly, and when it isn’t, it becomes harder to process.

Healing the Mother Wound

For many women, Mother’s Day also brings up deep emotions tied to unresolved pain in their relationship with their own mother. The mother relationship is the very first relationship we experience on this planet.

When a mother cannot offer the nurturing we need, it leaves a wound that can last a lifetime if we don’t become aware of it and take steps to heal. Grieving the mother you wished for requires deep, unwavering courage. It’s about accepting that the relationship may never be what you dreamed it would be and choosing to honor your own needs despite that. The journey of releasing expectations and making peace with the reality of that relationship is profound—and deeply personal.

Menopausal transition often brings a new perspective on our mother wounds. As our bodies and lives change, we may find ourselves revisiting the emotional ties we have with our mothers—whether they were nurturing or neglectful, present or distant. This time of life offers us the opportunity to heal, to redefine what mothering means, and to step into a space where we can nurture ourselves with compassion, love, and acceptance.

I had to choose my own healing and become the nurturing presence for myself I had longed for. This decision became an act of profound self-acceptance and allowed me to step into my own power to care for and nurture myself in ways I never knew were possible. It’s in these small, daily acts of care—giving ourselves the grace to feel, to rest, to seek joy—that we reclaim the love we always deserved.

My Personal Journey

Today, Mother’s Day no longer triggers or saddens me. But years ago, I found myself in the same emotional space that many women find themselves in now. It was during my perimenopausal years that I was invited to look deeply at these topics once more, even though I had explored the mother wound years earlier. Perimenopause urged me to revisit and integrate these feelings, and through this process, I gained valuable new insights and perspectives. It was like finding that missing puzzle piece—finally, everything fit, and I felt at peace in both heart and mind.

One of the most profound shifts I’ve experienced is reaching a place of compassion and acceptance regarding my own mother. While she is aging now and entering a more vulnerable phase of life, I have come to a point where I can care for her—even though she wasn’t emotionally available for me during my childhood and teenage years, when I needed her the most. This ability to support her now is only possible because I have healed my own wounds and learned to set clear and strong boundaries. It’s a space of giving without losing myself—a testament to the strength of inner work and self-healing.

What truly helped me on this journey was Ayurveda, yoga, yoga therapy, mindfulness practices, coaching, and mental health counseling—simply put, a holistic approach that included body, mind, soul, and spirit. They offered me tools to deeper understand myself, heal, connect with my essence, nurture myself, remember who I am, and reclaim a sense of wholeness and unity. They helped me find grounding and gave me a gentle framework to process these emotions.

I want to say this gently yet clearly: If this resonates with you, I see you. I understand how you feel, and I know it’s not easy. And if Mother’s Day brings up pain, know you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel the grief, to honor your story, and to acknowledge what never came to be. It’s okay to feel the way you do. You’re allowed to hold space for your emotions and honor your unique journey.When those hoped-for experiences don’t come to pass, no matter how understandable the reasons, it can bring up emotions like failure, feeling unseen, and grief. You’re mourning something meaningful that you hoped for, but your value isn’t determined by the roles you play in life. It’s important to remember that your worth doesn’t depend on fulfilling certain roles; your worth is something you have by simply being you.. That's a crucial difference. Healing starts when we learn to distinguish who we are from what we expect to happen.

There Is Hope: Reclaiming Your Life and Nurturing Yourself

I also want to offer you a spark of hope. Healing is possible, and when you’re ready—at your own pace and in harmony with your soul—you can reach a place where these topics no longer take up so much space in your life. You can find meaning again, allowing your life to unfold in beautiful new ways.

It is entirely possible to feel hope, self-acceptance, contentment, and joy in your heart once more. To believe in yourself again. To know deep down that you are enough, valued, and worthy—independent of any role or identity, including motherhood. You are the creator of your life. You carry the nurturing, caring, and holding qualities of a mother within you, expressing them in your own unique way throughout your lifetime.You are whole, even when your journey looks different. Your life holds meaning, even when it’s quiet.

You are a mother—in different, equally meaningful ways.

Let Me Support You

If you’d like support on your journey, I’m here for you. Sometimes, having someone walk beside you through this transformative time can make all the difference.

To book a session with me, just send me a message at ab@annabelle-breuer.com with “Session” in the subject line, and I’ll share the link with you.

If you're interested in my services check this out: https://www.evocativehealthpath.com/general-6

Together, we’ll explore simple, nourishing ways to help you feel grounded, clear, and at ease in your changing body.

Honoring All Women on Mother’s Day..

On this Mother’s Day, may we honor all women—those who mother, those who longed to mother, those healing from mother wounds, and those walking their unique paths with courage and grace. May we hold space for each other, celebrate the lives we’ve built, and find wholeness in the stories we continue to shape.

Love,

Annabelle